Part of making the most of therapy is knowing what stage of
change you are in. Even if you are looking to have more self
acceptance, this too is a change. If you weren't looking for some
sort of a change, you probably would not be seeking therapy. In
my practice, I find it most effective to work toward acceptance and
then toward change for this reason:
If you can find acceptance of yourself just as you are now and if
you can find acceptance of the world just as it is right now, then
change becomes an option - not a requirement. After some
examination, you may find that you really do not want to change
at all. For better or worse, getting a sense that you have options
tends to ease things up and open things up and this in itself tends
to give a person a much more optimistic view of things.
Let's concentrate on the idea of change for a moment though.
Many people are confused when they come to therapy and they
don't really know where to start. Depending on the stage of
change they are in, therapy can and should progress in different
ways.
This theory was developed by Prochaska and DiClemente and is
considered useful in most all approaches to therapy.
These are the stages:
Let me explain them a bit.
1. Pre-contemplation. In this stage, a person is not
really considering change. They are either truly happy as they are
or there is a problem and they don't even realize it. Sometimes
they are aware that other people think they should change, but
they may or may not agree with those other people. Sometimes
they are right. The problems other people have with you may
really be the other people's problem. Pre-contemplation can be a
place of arrival as well as a place of departure.
2. Contemplation. Either on one's own or through the
prompting of others, a person starts to think about change. In
some instances, it is because they are beginning to realize there is
a problem. In other instances, it is the consideration of
opportunity. In either case, the person is just beginning to think
about making changes and probably has some mixed feelings
about it. They will think about it for a while and probably not
make any decisions within the next month or so.
3.Preparation. In this stage, a decision has been made and
preparation for change has begun. A plan is being made and a
change (or changes) will be made within one month's time. It is
important to note that time tables will vary. Different changes
take require different amounts of contemplation and different
amounts of preparation. Generally speaking however, as a person
becomes clearer in their decision and about their plan or intention,
the faster the pace of change.
4. Action. In this stage, the waiting is over. The person is
clear about the change they want to make, they are clear about
the way to make it happen and they start taking action - real
action. Often, a sense of confidence will wash over a person at
this point and they become clearer on this whole process of
change. They see that they have options and when they make a
choice they can make it happen. Fear and "stuckness" begin to
subside. Action equals experience and there is nothing like direct
experience to give a person self-confidence. Even "failures" can
be appreciated as good information on how to best move forward.
Looking at a sample time table again, we might suggest that the
new ways be "practiced" for 3-6 months.
5. Maintenance. In some ways, this stage is like the pre-
contemplative stage (stage #1). A person has arrived at where
they want to be and having made the change, isn't particularly
interested in undoing the changes they've made. "If it ain't
broke, why fix it?" Still there is the possibility of the next stage
and a person who has learned a thing or two from the change
process knows that a periodic check-in or self- assessment can
prevent them from falling back into a way of life that has not
served them well. Periodic check-in or self- assessment is quite
different however than anxiety and self -doubt. Those who worry
constantly that the "other shoe will drop," or that their success
will somehow be taken from them tend to find change so
unpleasant that they may have been too fearful to have made the
change in the first place. There is an art to maintaining a healthy
and balanced change and your therapist may help you periodically
to re-enter the contemplative stage.
6. Relapse. Again, this can be a positive change. A person
can change their mind about the changes they have made, and
they can consciously choose to return to their former ways. Often
however, a relapse into old unhealthy behavior is caused by
something which seems bigger or stronger that the person can
control. Often there is an event or a reminder of something which
triggers an emotional response and sends the person running back
to that which gives them the surest comfort - that with which they
are most familiar - their old ways. Too, relapse can occur from
failing to pay attention, from failing to make those periodic self-
assessments, from failing to periodically re-enter the
contemplative stage.
change you are in. Even if you are looking to have more self
acceptance, this too is a change. If you weren't looking for some
sort of a change, you probably would not be seeking therapy. In
my practice, I find it most effective to work toward acceptance and
then toward change for this reason:
If you can find acceptance of yourself just as you are now and if
you can find acceptance of the world just as it is right now, then
change becomes an option - not a requirement. After some
examination, you may find that you really do not want to change
at all. For better or worse, getting a sense that you have options
tends to ease things up and open things up and this in itself tends
to give a person a much more optimistic view of things.
Let's concentrate on the idea of change for a moment though.
Many people are confused when they come to therapy and they
don't really know where to start. Depending on the stage of
change they are in, therapy can and should progress in different
ways.
This theory was developed by Prochaska and DiClemente and is
considered useful in most all approaches to therapy.
These are the stages:
- 1. Pre-contemplation
- 2. Contemplation
- 3. Preparation
- 4. Action
- 5. Maintenance
- 6. Relapse
Let me explain them a bit.
1. Pre-contemplation. In this stage, a person is not
really considering change. They are either truly happy as they are
or there is a problem and they don't even realize it. Sometimes
they are aware that other people think they should change, but
they may or may not agree with those other people. Sometimes
they are right. The problems other people have with you may
really be the other people's problem. Pre-contemplation can be a
place of arrival as well as a place of departure.
2. Contemplation. Either on one's own or through the
prompting of others, a person starts to think about change. In
some instances, it is because they are beginning to realize there is
a problem. In other instances, it is the consideration of
opportunity. In either case, the person is just beginning to think
about making changes and probably has some mixed feelings
about it. They will think about it for a while and probably not
make any decisions within the next month or so.
3.Preparation. In this stage, a decision has been made and
preparation for change has begun. A plan is being made and a
change (or changes) will be made within one month's time. It is
important to note that time tables will vary. Different changes
take require different amounts of contemplation and different
amounts of preparation. Generally speaking however, as a person
becomes clearer in their decision and about their plan or intention,
the faster the pace of change.
4. Action. In this stage, the waiting is over. The person is
clear about the change they want to make, they are clear about
the way to make it happen and they start taking action - real
action. Often, a sense of confidence will wash over a person at
this point and they become clearer on this whole process of
change. They see that they have options and when they make a
choice they can make it happen. Fear and "stuckness" begin to
subside. Action equals experience and there is nothing like direct
experience to give a person self-confidence. Even "failures" can
be appreciated as good information on how to best move forward.
Looking at a sample time table again, we might suggest that the
new ways be "practiced" for 3-6 months.
5. Maintenance. In some ways, this stage is like the pre-
contemplative stage (stage #1). A person has arrived at where
they want to be and having made the change, isn't particularly
interested in undoing the changes they've made. "If it ain't
broke, why fix it?" Still there is the possibility of the next stage
and a person who has learned a thing or two from the change
process knows that a periodic check-in or self- assessment can
prevent them from falling back into a way of life that has not
served them well. Periodic check-in or self- assessment is quite
different however than anxiety and self -doubt. Those who worry
constantly that the "other shoe will drop," or that their success
will somehow be taken from them tend to find change so
unpleasant that they may have been too fearful to have made the
change in the first place. There is an art to maintaining a healthy
and balanced change and your therapist may help you periodically
to re-enter the contemplative stage.
6. Relapse. Again, this can be a positive change. A person
can change their mind about the changes they have made, and
they can consciously choose to return to their former ways. Often
however, a relapse into old unhealthy behavior is caused by
something which seems bigger or stronger that the person can
control. Often there is an event or a reminder of something which
triggers an emotional response and sends the person running back
to that which gives them the surest comfort - that with which they
are most familiar - their old ways. Too, relapse can occur from
failing to pay attention, from failing to make those periodic self-
assessments, from failing to periodically re-enter the
contemplative stage.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the
Serenity to accept
the things I cannot
change, the Courage
to change the things
I can, and the
Wisdom to know the
difference.
God grant me the
Serenity to accept
the things I cannot
change, the Courage
to change the things
I can, and the
Wisdom to know the
difference.
Stages of Change
The only thing
which does not
change is change
itself. Change is a
constant, and you
can't change that.
which does not
change is change
itself. Change is a
constant, and you
can't change that.
It has been said
that the
definition of
insanity is doing
the same and
expecting
different.
that the
definition of
insanity is doing
the same and
expecting
different.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|