The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the
Serenity to accept the
things I cannot change,
the Courage to change
the things I can, and the
Wisdom to know the
difference.
The only thing which does
not change is change
itself. Change is a
constant, and you can't
change that.
It has been said that the
definition of insanity is
doing the same and
expecting different.
God grant me the
Serenity to accept the
things I cannot change,
the Courage to change
the things I can, and the
Wisdom to know the
difference.
The only thing which does
not change is change
itself. Change is a
constant, and you can't
change that.
It has been said that the
definition of insanity is
doing the same and
expecting different.
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Stages of Change: "Transtheoretical" Model
Part of making the most of therapy is knowing what
stage of change you are in. Even if you are looking to
have more self acceptance, this too is a change. If you
weren't looking for some sort of a change, you
probably would not be seeking therapy. In my practice,
I find it most effective to work toward acceptance and
then toward change for this reason:
If you can find acceptance of yourself just as you are
now and if you can find acceptance of the world just as
it is right now, then change becomes an option - not a
requirement. After some examination, you may find
that you really do not want to change at all. For better
or worse, getting a sense that you have options tends to
ease things up and open things up and this in itself
tends to give a person a much more optimistic view of
things.
Let's concentrate on the idea of change for a moment
though. Many people are confused when they come to
therapy and they don't really know where to start.
Depending on the stage of change they are in, therapy
can and should progress in different ways.
This theory was developed by Prochaska and
DiClemente and is considered useful in most all
approaches to therapy.
These are the stages:
Let me explain them a bit.
stage of change you are in. Even if you are looking to
have more self acceptance, this too is a change. If you
weren't looking for some sort of a change, you
probably would not be seeking therapy. In my practice,
I find it most effective to work toward acceptance and
then toward change for this reason:
If you can find acceptance of yourself just as you are
now and if you can find acceptance of the world just as
it is right now, then change becomes an option - not a
requirement. After some examination, you may find
that you really do not want to change at all. For better
or worse, getting a sense that you have options tends to
ease things up and open things up and this in itself
tends to give a person a much more optimistic view of
things.
Let's concentrate on the idea of change for a moment
though. Many people are confused when they come to
therapy and they don't really know where to start.
Depending on the stage of change they are in, therapy
can and should progress in different ways.
This theory was developed by Prochaska and
DiClemente and is considered useful in most all
approaches to therapy.
These are the stages:
- 1. Pre-contemplation
- 2. Contemplation
- 3. Preparation
- 4. Action
- 5. Maintenance
- 6. Termination/Relapse
Let me explain them a bit.
1. Pre-contemplation. In this stage, a
person is not really considering change. They are
either truly happy as they are or there is a problem
and they don't even realize it. Sometimes they are
aware that other people think they should change, but
they may or may not agree with those other people.
Sometimes they are right. The problems other people
have with you may really be the other people's
problem. Pre-contemplation can be a place of arrival
as well as a place of departure.
2. Contemplation. Either on one's own or
through the prompting of others, a person starts to
think about change. In some instances, it is because
they are beginning to realize there is a problem. In
other instances, it is the consideration of opportunity.
In either case, the person is just beginning to think
about making changes and probably has some mixed
feelings about it. They will think about it for a while
and probably not make any decisions within the next
month or so.
3.Preparation. In this stage, a decision has
been made and preparation for change has begun. A
plan is being made and a change (or changes) will be
made within one month's time. It is important to note
that time tables will vary. Different changes take
require different amounts of contemplation and
different amounts of preparation. Generally speaking
however, as a person becomes clearer in their decision
and about their plan or intention, the faster the pace of
change.
4. Action. In this stage, the waiting is over. The
person is clear about the change they want to make,
they are clear about the way to make it happen and
they start taking action - real action. Often, a sense of
confidence will wash over a person at this point and
they become clearer on this whole process of change.
They see that they have options and when they make a
choice they can make it happen. Fear and "stuckness"
begin to subside. Action equals experience and there is
nothing like direct experience to give a person
self-confidence. Even "failures" can be appreciated as
good information on how to best move forward.
Looking at a sample time table again, we might
suggest that the new ways be "practiced" for 3-6
months.
5. Maintenance. In some ways, this stage is
like the pre-contemplative stage (stage #1). A person
has arrived at where they want to be and having made
the change, isn't particularly interested in undoing the
changes they've made. "If it ain't broke, why fix it?"
Still there is the possibility of the next stage and a
person who has learned a thing or two from the change
process knows that a periodic check-in or self-
assessment can prevent them from falling back into a
way of life that has not served them well. Periodic
check-in or self- assessment is quite different however
than anxiety and self -doubt. Those who worry
constantly that the "other shoe will drop," or that their
success will somehow be taken from them tend to find
change so unpleasant that they may have been too
fearful to have made the change in the first place.
There is an art to maintaining a healthy and balanced
change and your therapist may help you periodically to
re-enter the contemplative stage.
6. Termination/Relapse. Maintence is the
key as it is described above. Life is constantly
changing and although we can certainly accomplish the
changes we set out to make, often that change is the
maintenance of the new way. When our confidence is
great enough that the new way has set in, we may
congratulate ourselves on a job well done. Being able to
make the changes we wish to make can give us
confidence that we can make more and other changes
as our interest in doing so arises. If we do not actively
maintain the new changes though, as described above,
it is possible to fall back on the old ways we sought to
change in the first place. We call this "relapse."
Relapse is not always a bad thing though. Sometimes,
after trying things out in a new way for a while we
discover that the old way was actually working out
better for us in the first place and we may consciously
choose to return to them. Let's talk a little more about
relapse. Often, a relapse into old unhealthy behavior is
caused by something which seems bigger or stronger
that the person can control. Often there is an event or
a reminder of something which triggers an emotional
response and sends the person running back to that
which gives them the surest comfort - that with which
they are most familiar - their old ways. Too, relapse
can occur from failing to pay attention, from failing to
make those periodic self-assessments, from failing to
periodically re-enter the contemplative stage.
Return to Main Stages of Change Page
See Zen Buddhist Stages of Change
See 12 Step Stages of Change
Being aware of the stage of change you are in will help
you in life, in therapy, and as described on my Fees
page, may help make therapy more affordable.
person is not really considering change. They are
either truly happy as they are or there is a problem
and they don't even realize it. Sometimes they are
aware that other people think they should change, but
they may or may not agree with those other people.
Sometimes they are right. The problems other people
have with you may really be the other people's
problem. Pre-contemplation can be a place of arrival
as well as a place of departure.
2. Contemplation. Either on one's own or
through the prompting of others, a person starts to
think about change. In some instances, it is because
they are beginning to realize there is a problem. In
other instances, it is the consideration of opportunity.
In either case, the person is just beginning to think
about making changes and probably has some mixed
feelings about it. They will think about it for a while
and probably not make any decisions within the next
month or so.
3.Preparation. In this stage, a decision has
been made and preparation for change has begun. A
plan is being made and a change (or changes) will be
made within one month's time. It is important to note
that time tables will vary. Different changes take
require different amounts of contemplation and
different amounts of preparation. Generally speaking
however, as a person becomes clearer in their decision
and about their plan or intention, the faster the pace of
change.
4. Action. In this stage, the waiting is over. The
person is clear about the change they want to make,
they are clear about the way to make it happen and
they start taking action - real action. Often, a sense of
confidence will wash over a person at this point and
they become clearer on this whole process of change.
They see that they have options and when they make a
choice they can make it happen. Fear and "stuckness"
begin to subside. Action equals experience and there is
nothing like direct experience to give a person
self-confidence. Even "failures" can be appreciated as
good information on how to best move forward.
Looking at a sample time table again, we might
suggest that the new ways be "practiced" for 3-6
months.
5. Maintenance. In some ways, this stage is
like the pre-contemplative stage (stage #1). A person
has arrived at where they want to be and having made
the change, isn't particularly interested in undoing the
changes they've made. "If it ain't broke, why fix it?"
Still there is the possibility of the next stage and a
person who has learned a thing or two from the change
process knows that a periodic check-in or self-
assessment can prevent them from falling back into a
way of life that has not served them well. Periodic
check-in or self- assessment is quite different however
than anxiety and self -doubt. Those who worry
constantly that the "other shoe will drop," or that their
success will somehow be taken from them tend to find
change so unpleasant that they may have been too
fearful to have made the change in the first place.
There is an art to maintaining a healthy and balanced
change and your therapist may help you periodically to
re-enter the contemplative stage.
6. Termination/Relapse. Maintence is the
key as it is described above. Life is constantly
changing and although we can certainly accomplish the
changes we set out to make, often that change is the
maintenance of the new way. When our confidence is
great enough that the new way has set in, we may
congratulate ourselves on a job well done. Being able to
make the changes we wish to make can give us
confidence that we can make more and other changes
as our interest in doing so arises. If we do not actively
maintain the new changes though, as described above,
it is possible to fall back on the old ways we sought to
change in the first place. We call this "relapse."
Relapse is not always a bad thing though. Sometimes,
after trying things out in a new way for a while we
discover that the old way was actually working out
better for us in the first place and we may consciously
choose to return to them. Let's talk a little more about
relapse. Often, a relapse into old unhealthy behavior is
caused by something which seems bigger or stronger
that the person can control. Often there is an event or
a reminder of something which triggers an emotional
response and sends the person running back to that
which gives them the surest comfort - that with which
they are most familiar - their old ways. Too, relapse
can occur from failing to pay attention, from failing to
make those periodic self-assessments, from failing to
periodically re-enter the contemplative stage.
Return to Main Stages of Change Page
See Zen Buddhist Stages of Change
See 12 Step Stages of Change
Being aware of the stage of change you are in will help
you in life, in therapy, and as described on my Fees
page, may help make therapy more affordable.
| (This view in stages of change is said to be useful in any type of therapy.) |