Delaying Gratification
Impulsivity and poor decision-making is often due to a feeling or
belief that you must have what you want RIGHT NOW.
Delaying gratification does not mean that you will not get what you
want. Getting what you want is a very important thing in life.
Delaying gratification means taking a look at:
Planning Ahead
Planning ahead is the twin of delaying gratification.
Oftentimes, getting what we really want is not possible on the spur
of the moment. We tend to accept poor substitutes which have no
lasting value or are actually destructive to us. Again, getting what
we want is important, but some things must be gained step-by-
step. Although we might not get what we want RIGHT AWAY,
when we take planful steps toward what we want, every step takes
us closer. We do not choose to do NOTHING if we can't have
what we want right away, we take the step that is right in front of
us today. This is a good and worthwhile way to pass the time
while waiting for the steps you're taking to get you even closer to
your goals.
Why people have a hard time delaying gratification
Some people have had experiences in which they could not count
on their needs to be met on a regular basis. Some of these
experiences may have occurred in adulthood. Some of these
experiences may have occurred while growing up. The unmet
needs may have been food and shelter. The unmet needs may
have been emotional.
When our basic needs are not met on a fairly regular basis, we
learn that the things we need are scarce or hard to get. Therefore,
when we see an opportunity to get our needs met, we do so in a
way that a very hungry person eats food. They eat whenever they
can, as much as they can, as if they may never eat again. This
happens on an emotional level as well. When we see an
opportunity to feel good, we take it. Even if it will make us feel
worse later. When we have an opportunity to be approved of, we
take it. Even if it requires us to do things we are not comfortable
doing. If we see an opportunity to protect ourselves, we take it.
Even if it means closing ourselves off to healthy relationships.
People make short-sighted decisions when they feel desperate.
Delaying gratification helps us to make sure that we won't make
matters worse out of desperation. Planning ahead helps us to see
that our lives are being put into order, that we are taking steps, that
we need not feel desperate.
Examples of real life things that CANNOT happen RIGHT
AWAY are growing a garden, recovering from the flu, learning a
musical instrument, completing a worthwhile class, developing a
good and healthy relationship. At the same time, these things
CAN happen. We must ask, "What is the step that I can take now
toward these planful, thought-out and worthwhile things that I
want for myself?"
Impulsivity and poor decision-making is often due to a feeling or
belief that you must have what you want RIGHT NOW.
Delaying gratification does not mean that you will not get what you
want. Getting what you want is a very important thing in life.
Delaying gratification means taking a look at:
- 1) MUST you have what you want? Is it a NEED? OR, is
it a PREFERENCE? Is it something you WANT? We have
a right to want things.
- 2) Is it something that MUST happen RIGHT AWAY? OR,
is it something that you might have in a more solid way if
you planned ahead and pursued it in a more thoughtful
manner?
Planning Ahead
Planning ahead is the twin of delaying gratification.
Oftentimes, getting what we really want is not possible on the spur
of the moment. We tend to accept poor substitutes which have no
lasting value or are actually destructive to us. Again, getting what
we want is important, but some things must be gained step-by-
step. Although we might not get what we want RIGHT AWAY,
when we take planful steps toward what we want, every step takes
us closer. We do not choose to do NOTHING if we can't have
what we want right away, we take the step that is right in front of
us today. This is a good and worthwhile way to pass the time
while waiting for the steps you're taking to get you even closer to
your goals.
Why people have a hard time delaying gratification
Some people have had experiences in which they could not count
on their needs to be met on a regular basis. Some of these
experiences may have occurred in adulthood. Some of these
experiences may have occurred while growing up. The unmet
needs may have been food and shelter. The unmet needs may
have been emotional.
When our basic needs are not met on a fairly regular basis, we
learn that the things we need are scarce or hard to get. Therefore,
when we see an opportunity to get our needs met, we do so in a
way that a very hungry person eats food. They eat whenever they
can, as much as they can, as if they may never eat again. This
happens on an emotional level as well. When we see an
opportunity to feel good, we take it. Even if it will make us feel
worse later. When we have an opportunity to be approved of, we
take it. Even if it requires us to do things we are not comfortable
doing. If we see an opportunity to protect ourselves, we take it.
Even if it means closing ourselves off to healthy relationships.
People make short-sighted decisions when they feel desperate.
Delaying gratification helps us to make sure that we won't make
matters worse out of desperation. Planning ahead helps us to see
that our lives are being put into order, that we are taking steps, that
we need not feel desperate.
Examples of real life things that CANNOT happen RIGHT
AWAY are growing a garden, recovering from the flu, learning a
musical instrument, completing a worthwhile class, developing a
good and healthy relationship. At the same time, these things
CAN happen. We must ask, "What is the step that I can take now
toward these planful, thought-out and worthwhile things that I
want for myself?"
Delaying Gratification
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